The Tale of the Boiling Water

Once upon a time, teenage daughter came stomping through into the family kitchen, complaining to her mother that her life was miserable and crappy and that she couldn't see it getting better. She was fed up with everything being a fight and a struggle all the time. It seemed to her, that just as one problem was solved, another one soon followed. Her mum pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and just pointed to it. So the daughter gave a big sigh, rolled her eyes and sat down on the kitchen chair with her arms folded. She watched as her mum filled three saucepans with water and placed each on the gas stove, with the heat turn up high.

"Err, mum, what on earth are you doing!?" the daughter asked with more than a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"Just wait" she replied.

Then once the three pans began to boil, she placed a potato in one saucepan, an egg in the second, and ground coffee beans in the third. She then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to her daughter. The daughter, moaned, tutted, and sighed while impatiently waiting, still wondering what her mum was playing at. Then after twenty minutes the mother turned off the burners. Took the potato out of the pan and placed them it a bowl. Then she pulled the egg out and placed that too in a bowl. Then she poured the coffee out and into a mug.

Turning to her daughter, she asked. “What do you see?”

“A potato, an egg and a cup coffee!” the daughter hastily snapped, still with her arms folded.

“Look closer”, the mother said, “touch the potatoes.” So the daughter did and noticed how soft they were.

She then asked her to take the egg and crack it open. So after pulling off the shell, she observed the egg was very hard-boiled.

Finally, she asked her to have a sip of coffee. So she did, the rich aroma filled her nose and actually brought a smile to her face.

“Mum", she asked, "what does all this have to do with me?”

So the mother explained that the potato, the egg and the coffee beans had all faced the same adversary – the boiling water. However, each one reacted differently. The potato went into it strong, hard and unrelenting, but in the boiling water, had became soft and fluffy. The egg was fragile, with it's thin shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard. However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were exposed to the boiling water, they actually changed the water and created something new.

“Which one are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean?”

Do have yourselves a simply gorgeous Friday, I'll see you on the flip side.

This looks like a job for . . .

So today I would like to discuss being unemployed, I know, it’s a scary subject, but it is something we have all had to deal with at some point in our lives, and it is one thing that leads those who experience it down a spiralling slope into to full blown depression. I myself have been made redundant twice before, it’s not nice. It does make you feel utterly worthless. One Christmas Eve many years ago I was even dragged into one of my then boss’s office to be told that they were going to make me redundant that day, but had decided not to, because someone had told them they were planning on leaving. Merry Christmas to you Carl!

The trouble is, you start listening to all the negative statistics and carry them around with you, which only adds to your burden. Things like, “Oh there’s no jobs out there”, “It’s only going to get worse, before it gets better”, “It’s all this governments fault.” and “80% of all th jobs are never advertised anyway, they’re just given to someone they know!”. So my first piece of advice is if you find yourself talking to one of these negative vibers, move away aand go and talk to someone with a bit more interest with how you’re actually feeling!

So how do you give support and help motivate those people who find themselves in this position? I believe that every person is born with the tools to be able to motivate. The main tool is the believing you are in control. We all like doing things that we control. Think about it, what things do you like doing? You’ll find most of them, us being in control is at the center of it all.

There will always be those people, who genuinely think they’re being helpful, talking about how bad it is out there for people to find jobs. Stop it! It isn’t! If someone loses their job and you tell them how bad it is, that’s not helping them with thinking they are in control. Sometime people who find themselves between jobs, go to something like a job club, which is generally full of people who have been unemployed for such a long time, who then give horror stories to this newly unemployed person. This does not help either! Then the news will chip in with it’s latest unemployment rates, which currently is about 7.7% and tell us all how bad that is. All of these things helps the person involved lose any sense of control about their situation.

There are things to help a person who finds themselves currently between jobs gain a little sense of control over their situation. Firstly, stop worrying about the unemployment, it has nothing to do with this person’s abilities and what they can achieve. Then, my advice if you still want to pay attention to those things, would be to make pie chart (well you’ve got a bit of time on your hands) showing the current “Employment Rate” which at the moment is at an encouraging 92.3%! Now those are some good odds! If you ever find yourself in this situation remember that you can beat the odds if you try to focus on staying positive. Remember, you’re not looking for hundreds of jobs, just the one that is meant for you, and every ‘no’ you get is just brings you one step closer to the ‘yes’ you’ve been waiting for.

I know this is going to sound corny but it’s true. Every ending is at the same time, a new beginning, a new opportunity, the next chapter, the start of a new adventure, a chance to grow, a chance to change, or to even try something new. It might even be a time to just rest and to listen to other people.

Do look after yourselves, and each other.

Sleepless in Burgess Hill

Good Monday and howdy doody to you fact fans. Did you know, that every time you take a step, you are using up to 200 muscles! Although, to me it feels like I'm needing around 800 muscles just to lift a leg this morning. Now I know some of this may be down to the fact that it's a Monday, but I'm pretty sure a lot of it stems from not being overly productive in the sleeping department over the weekend. It's been rubbish!

No idea why sadly, it's not like a was laying awake with something specific on my mind. The only thought that seemed to be taking over was the one that was saying "Well this is annoying! Why aren't I asleep?". Did you know, that just being awake for 18 hours, has the same effect on your brain as drinking 2 to 3 beers!? So it would seem by the end of the day today I'm going to be completely sozzled! Hmmm, maybe it's not so bad after all? Although my brain does feel like it's been dipped in treacle and then covered in cotton wool at the moment. I can't help but maybe I should of referred to the fact that, just five minutes of cuddling before sleep relaxes the mind, reducing the process of over thinking which in turn makes it easier to fall asleep.

So yes it is Monday I'm afraid, I know things always seem a little more difficult. So here's some more facts about Mondays that maybe you didn't know. For instance, did you know that most people do not smile until at least 11.16 on Monday morning. Or the fact that most people spend at least 12 minutes complaining on a Monday. Also on Monday's we are generally only really productive at work for only three and a half hours. Mind you there are positive side to a Monday as well, I mean did you also know, despite the weather today, Monday is statistically the least rainy day of the week!? Oh and if you're planning to buy a car, the best day to do it is a Monday. As most sales are made during the weekend, and most salesmen see Monday's as a slow day, so they are more willing to make a better offer!

So, for my final fact, if you're feeling all Mondayish and stressful today, do take note that kissing causes the body to release high amounts of oxytocin, which boosts your mood and lowers levels of stress. So my tip for us all today is to go and grab yourselves a big kiss and a tight cuddle and prepare to feel a lot better about your Monday.

The foot of days

Oh yes my dear friends, once again the 'foot of days' has passed through the dark 'trouser leg of the working week'. It started it's journey at the arse end on Monday, past the thighs and lows of Tuesday, the knee jointed knee-dy Wednesday, down through the shapely calves of Thursday, before emerging through the open leg hole into the bright lights of Friday.

So it's time to take stock, breathe in the gloriousness and freshness of a brand new gleaming Friday. It's time to cherish each passing moment, clutch it to our heaving bosoms (metaphorically if you happen to be a gentleman) and to take in the wonder and mimsy whimsy of an approaching joyous weekend.

I do apologise for getting slightly poetic with my turn of phrase, but it's just the effect that a Friday seems to have on me. Of course if you wish to point the skeletal finger of blame towards anyone, it would have to be the Amazing Lady T. Only the other day, she rightly pointed out to me that my use and appreciation of words has grown expodentially since marrying her.

It's true, I was a driveling buffoon by comparison when she met me. (No saying "well you haven't changed that much then!" RUDE!) I guess she has made me want to become a better person, to be the best version of me that I can be. Over the years she has subconsciously and quite often very consciously molded my rough exterior into the frankly fabulous person you see before you today. Sadly of course, I can't claim to of had the same effect on the Awe Inspiring Lady T. After all it was Newton that said "Everything has an equal and opposite reaction". So if the Marvellous Lady T has in anyway become a lesser person than she was before she met me, it's more than likely my fault. For that I can only hold my hands out and apologise.

Well I suppose I better let you get on and greet your Friday with the open arms and smiling face that it deserves. Do have yourself a fantastic weekend full of laughs and guffaws. I'll see you all on the flip-side!

The story of the Starfish

Good morning!! *air kiss on both cheeks* How are you!? You're looking fabulous this morning. I love what you're wearing! Have you lost weight? Anyway, come in! come in! Do find yourself a comfy chair, (No no! Not the comfy chair!) a giant cosy bean bag or a large soft cushion. (No!! Not the soft cushion! With all the stuffing jammed into one corner!) Just flop yourself down, I'll bring you all your Teas, fresh coffees, Ovaltines, or hot chocolates shortly. Does anyone want a sticky bun? No!? Too early perhaps? I do have some giant double chocolate cookies if you prefer, or perhaps a hot buttered croissant? Still do just make yourself at home and sit where you like.

Well good morning everyone. I'm so glad you could all join me here this morning, for today's little Friday Eve gathering. I wanted to share with you today the story of the starfish.

Not so long ago a man was taking a morning walk along the beach in Cornwall. He did this every morning, and had noticed that along with the morning tide each day, came hundreds of starfish. Then when the tide receded, the poor stricken starfish would be left behind and during the morning the sun would shine, and with no protection or enough speed to make it back to the water, they would die.

At this moment though, the tide was still fresh and the starfish were alive. So the man took a few steps, bent down and carefully picked one up and threw it back into the water. He did this repeatedly. Over and over again he would pick up one of the starfish and throw it back into the safety of the sea.

Just then, an early morning jogger happened along the sand and noticed what the man was doing. He couldn't understand why this man was randomly throwing starfish back into the sea. He caught up to him and asked, "Excuse me mate, but I have to ask. What are you doing? There's hundreds of starfish along this beach. How many do you think you can you help? I mean what difference does it really make?"

The man did not reply, instead he took two more steps, gently picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the water, and then said, "Well, it makes a difference to this one."

So when you ask yourselves, in the grand scheme of things, what difference do I really make? Know this! Big or small, it doesn't really matter. If everyone makes a tiny difference, we'd end up with a whole big difference, wouldn't we?

Do look after yourselves, and each other.

Fanfare for Friday

Good morning, and welcome to, by far the greatest working day of them all. Ladies and gentlemen of all ages, (he says while twirling his moustache) I give to you . . . (more moutashe twirling) . . . your Friday. (large red velvet curtains sweep open revealing a rather damp grey day) Yes, it may be wetter than hippo's undercarriage out there, and have more of a nip in the air than Spearmint Rhino on a Saturday evening, but still Friday it is, and joy it will bring. You may well be looking out the window this morning and thinking to yourself 'Euurgh, it looks 'orrible out there' and in part you may be right. But dear fellow traveler of bumpy road of life, it IS still Friday . . . 'ahem' . . . let me tell you what I mean . . .

Friday is certainly the greatest day,
The reasons for this, are too many to say,
It really don’t matter, if there’s sunshine or rain,
It’s really quite simple, so let me explain.

On Friday you see, you can work with a smile.
We may be toiling, but it’s only a while.
There’s bubbles of joy, for the weekend is near.
When we can switch off, relax, and have beer.

Everyone’s happier on a Friday,
Knowing that soon, we can skip off and play,
Friday’s a day when we should give in to fun,
There’s no point in hiding, there’s nowhere to run.

With a bounce in our step, and a dance in our heart,
There’s hugs to be had, and jokes to impart,
When afternoon comes there’s the slowing of time,
But we will get through it, it'll all be just fine.

So just join with me, with a laugh and cheer,
The work week is ending, the weekend is near,
So stand up and sing, and give praise to this day,
Fridays are awesome, that’s all there's to say.

*(Carl does a low bow using his top hat for more emphasis, then disappears off into the horizon. Doing a sort of cross between a march and a dance, as he leads the marching band, who appeared at the end of verse 2, and the dancers, who were once just passers by, but are currently back-flipping alongside the band)*

Love, Love me Brew!

Morning all! Now it's a little known fact that The Beatles hauntingly beautiful song 'Yesterday' was originally called 'Scrabbled Eggs'. No really! It was! Now I like to think that the Beatles draw in my brain is pretty full, but I must admit I didn't know this fact until just the other day, when it was brought up on 'Pointless'.

Apparently Paul had already come up with the tune, but just couldn't find the right lyrics to go with it. So, just for a laugh, he came up with some working lyrics for the purpose of practicing the tune. So without further a do, ladies and gentlemen I give to you Paul McCartney’s original working lyrics for the song 'Yesterday':

Scrambled eggs
Have an omelette with some Muenster cheese
Put your dishes in the wash bin please
So I can clean the scrambled eggs

Join me do
There’s a lot of eggs for me and you
I’ve got ham and cheese and bacon too
So go get two and join me do

Fried or sunny side
Just aren’t right
The mix-bowl begs
Quick, go get a pan, and we’ll scramble up some eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs

Scrambled eggs
Good for breakfast, dinner time or brunch
Don’t buy six or twelve, just get a bunch
And we’ll have a lunch on scrambled eggs.

Helloooooo Friday!

There's a slight chill in the predawn air, aside from the distant murmur of the traffic on the busy A road and the trill of a lone blackbird, all is silent. The clear cobalt night sky now starting to pale into shades of powder blue and pink as the sun begins to rise from just below the horizon. Shuffling footsteps and the jangling of a set of keys causes a rabbit to scurry from it's dining spot on a small grassy mound and dart into the safety of it burrow. The world is waking up, all around life is preparing for the coming day.

"Hellooooooooooo Friday!"

Morning world! How is your belly off for spots? Not sure why, I'm feeling SO chipper this morning to be honest with you, having once again arrived at the arse crack of dawn. Yes I have been tirelessly ottering away here since about half five-ish this morning. (I would say 'beavering' but we don't have them in this country) Must be just the Friday feeling kicking in, well that or just a little bit of derangement over taking.

Yes it seems the great god of work tasks Beelzebag has bestowed upon me many many blessings once more. Still, mustn't grumble, I suppose it does mean today will 'fly by' like song from Blue. Plus there is milk in the work fridge and enough coffee to get me through the tricky patch at the beginning of the day.

So I suppose I shouldn't really be on here harping on about how busy I am, and how much work I have to do, as doing this doesn't really get and actual work done. In my defence, it is Friday and I can't let that go unchecked no can I?! Also, as I've already stated I have been here over an hour and a half already, so there's no harm in having a little escape for five minutes.

Do have yourselves a right rip roarer of a Friday, DO go around spreading smiles, and granting enormous hugs. We really do all need them, that's just a fact. Right, well, wish me luck I'm going back out there . . . I may be some time.

The Real 'YOLO'.

Well slap my buttocks with a warm tea tray and call me Lance, if it isn't 'Friday Eve' again already! Can't believe to speed that this week has rocketed through at. Well they do say that as you get older, you seem to perceive time traveling quicker than it did when you were younger. Although they do also say that time flies when you're having fun. So maybe it's just a fact that as we get older we just have more fun!?

I mean certainly true that as we get older we seem to care less and less about what people think, about us, about what we look like, about how we act, and about our opinions. We seem to acquire a kind of 'cloak of protection' to how other people see us, at least for the most part. It's only really those that matter to us the most that can get past that protective cloak we wear.

Generally speaking though I think we become a little freer as we get older because of this new outlook as well. Although that may be down to the fact, that we start to see things on a scale of how important they are to us and our happiness. So really it's down to the fact that all of a sudden, things that shouldn't really matter, start to actually not really matter. Well, there's got to a be a few plus points in getting older hasn't there and I think that not giving a hoot what people think about us is certainly one of the good ones. We very much adopt the (if you'll excuse me for using the term) YOLO approach to life! Sure, teenagers think they live like that, but we know they don't really! Almost everything they say, everything they do, and the way they act is generally about trying to impress someone at some level. Plus you won't find one of them that doesn't care about what other people think about the way they dress either!

Oh yes, I do believe the true YOLO outlook is reserved for all of us as we get older and meander on our own little section of life's stream. Do look after yourselves . . . and each other.

MORNIN'!

Good mornin', Good mornin'! We've danced the whole night through, good mornin' good mornin' to you.

Well it's not often you can say you've woken up to Judy Garland now is it! Sadly, this is what was going through my head this morning as I tore my carcass from it's pit of slumber. Yet another fail in my manly music taste I know, but there it is! Plus of course it's Monday morning, for crying out loud to Betsy! (Who is Betsy exactly?) I shouldn't be having chirpy Judy Garland songs rampaging through my frontal lobe early on a Monday morning it's just not right! Surely a bit of Boomtown Rats would of been more appropriate, but NO, my brain immediately opts for the more than a little camp 1939 musical number instead! I really should just go and hang my head in shame somewhere I know. I don't even know what the song was doing in there in the first place, as I'm pretty sure I've never even seen the film! Ahh well, what's done is done, it's all water under the bridge now.

So yes, I'm afraid it is Monday once again, and already I've been beavering away like a little elfish shoe maker, (There's a guy who works down the chip shop swears he's elfish!) setting machines in motion, printing wallpaper and generally getting things done before the cobbler arrives at work to find that all of the stuff that's he's been worrying about over the weekend is already done. All this with only one coffee inside me as well, not bad ay!?

Right, well, I mustn't hold you up any longer you need to get a wriggle on and get busy with your own morning routine I suspect, can't lay around all morning reading my jibbering nonsense. Although, I will say, you are looking particularly lovely this morning if you don't mind me saying. So let's go grapple with this Monday without further a do, (What's a 'do' do?) (No it's not and famously extinct bird, before you say it!) breathe a deep cleansing breath in, and hold it . . . (do try not to cough it out at this point, that's never a good look) . . . and breathe out. Ahhhh.

Come on then Monday, let's be 'avin' you!

To the tune of Friday!

Well I can't help but notice that the blessed Friday has arrived. So with that in mind and because I'm feeling tuneful here's a little Friday ditty.

So, to the tune of the Queen classic, Don't Stop Me Now if you would please:

Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time,
I feel ali-i-i-ive, and all work, I’ll forget about, Yeah!
I'm floating around feeling plain silly,
‘Cause it’s Fri-day now . . . it’s Friday,
So let’s have a good time, let’s have a good time!

We’ll be stalking bars up the town like a tiger,
defying the laws of decency,
Just to buy a round costs way more than a fiver,
This I know so go,
There’s no stopping me!

I’ll be going out tonight, yeah!
In my trilby
That's why they call me Sergeant Batista
I’ll be dancing like the ‘Hit Man and Her’
I wanna have a supersonic night out with you

It’s Friday now
I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball
It’s Friday now
If you wanna have a good time
Just give me a call

It’s Friday now ('cause I'm having a good time)
It’s Friday now (yes I'm having a good time)
I don't want to stop at all... yeah!

I'll be in a silly mood on my way to bars,
with a smile of course,
Then with a satellite and using me phone,
I’ll take some pictures, just for a laugh,
I love to photo bomb and then
Oh oh oh oh, oh upload!

I’ll be going out tonight, yeah!
In my trilby
That's why they call me Sergeant Batista
I’ll be dancing like the ‘Hit Man and Her’
I wanna have a supersonic night out with you

It’s Friday,
It’s Friday,
It’s Friday,
Hey hey hey!

It’s Friday,
It’s Friday,
Ooh ooh ooh (I like it)

It’s Friday,
It’s Friday,
Let’s have a good time, good time

It’s Friday,
It’s Friday,

Ooh ooh alright

Ooooh I’ll be going out tonight, yeah!
In my trilby
That's why they call me Sergeant Batista
I’ll be dancing like the ‘Hit Man and Her’
I wanna have a supersonic night out with you

It’s Friday now
I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball
It’s Friday now
If you wanna have a good time
Just give me a call

It’s Friday now ('cause I'm having a good time)
It’s Friday now (yes I'm having a good time)
I don't wanna stop at all . . .

Contracting the anti-virus.

Good morning to you all, especially to you! Well I'm not going to lie, this morning was a struggle. I know it's Monday and traditionally supposed to be a bit of struggle, however this morning just seems a little more tricky to get going than even your average Monday. Really if anything it should of been slightly easier today, what with this temporary bout of early Autumnal sunshine we've got going on this morning, there were even pink fluffy clouds gracing the azure as I stepped out the front door. So really there should be no excuse.

So I'm not really sure what has brought on this feeling of mild dread and foreboding. I can only assume my hind brain is onto something that it hasn't shared with the rest of my being as yet. So it is with slight anticipation that I come to you this morning. It feels like I'm just waiting for whatever it is to suddenly drop from a great height onto my head.

Of course, I hope that this niggle of trepidation and disquiet is not shared by all of us this morning or I'd be really worried. Perhaps you've woken up with a bit of a bounce today? Perhaps you've woken feeling unusually chipper for Monday? Maybe you've woken up with one of those anti-virus's that I have considered have existed for many years now.

You see, according to Newton, everything has an equal and opposite reaction. So in my theory, some days you awaken feeling run down, lethargic and low, it could possibly be down to a virus. Doesn't it make sense that some days you may wake up unusually bright eyed, alert, full of energy and feeling fantastic? These days you may well be suffering from an anti-virus. I'm sure we've all had them, on days where there is no real reason for feeling it.

If you do ever experience one of these days, do make sure and spend lots of time in close vicinity of people, as anti-virus may well be contagious too! I certainly wish I had one of those today at any rate.

See yawl tomorrow, if nothing dreadful and worthy of my foreboding has happened that is.

Triskaidekaphobia anyone?

Wakey wakey sleepy heads, and indeed prepare yourself for your very own large slice of Friday. Yes, yes I know it may well be Friday the 13th, and for some bizarre reason some people still enter this day with dread and foreboding. I even heard of someone who a colleague of mine used to work with, that after once having a fall and breaking his leg on a Friday the 13th always made sure to book that particular day off work to spend their whole day under the duvet to avoid any shenanigans. Nothing wrong with booking a day off to spend in bed all day of course, just don't do it because of a silly superstition! Although, sadly during one of these days under his duvet, the water tank in the man's loft sprung a leak and his entire bedroom ceiling collapsed upon him in a flood of water! Sad, funny, and yet true story! I'm sure there is probably an awesome moral to that story, I just can't quite put my finger on it.

Still, I suppose if you are in the mind frame that bad things are going to happen to you just because it's a certain day, the chances are you are more likely to notice any bad things, no matter how small they may be, and put the blame on a random date! Thankfully most of us do not suffer from Triskaidekaphobia and just see the 13th as just another gorgeous Friday!

So don't sit back and hide in the shadows today, if bad things are going to happen today, chances are they would of happened anyway even if the date had been Tuesday the 10th! (You can never really fully trust a Tuesday of course) So fling back the duvet and bounce around your bedroom, today is Friday, it will be a good day! It will be a celebration of joy and life in abundance all day! So let's grab it and make to most of all it has to offer us!

Bright and shiney this morning?

Well hello there, and indeed a good morning to you. I trust we are all happy residents of Goodmorningshire this morning and that we are all shining bright like a diamond as a young Robyn Fenty would say? Even if we're not, there's very little we can do about it now. Wednesday is upon us, it has come over and parked it's enormous and furry, heavy backside on our laps, wagged it's small tree-like tail which has whipped us in the face and made itself comfortable. Like a St Bernard fulfilling it's want to be a lap dog to it's weary owner. It's heart's in the right place, it's just a little too big and cumbersome to be sitting on people's laps.

Still, deal with it we must Wednesday's may well be big and overpowering and leave us feeling a little squashed, but let's not forget that come lunchtime we can climb on board that long bumpy slide that runs all the way down to the weekend. A call for much 'Huzzahing' if ever there was one.

So sit back, grab yourself a coffee or a tea or which ever morning beverage does it for you, and give yourself just two minutes of sitting time, preferably with your eye's closed. Take a few deep breaths in . . . and hold it (Blimey do be careful with that chest of yours, you could have somebody's eye out!) . . . and then slowly let them out, (that's the breath's by the way, not what you were thinking! tuh! honestly!) you'll be amazed a what a difference this can make to your otherwise preempted stressful day.

Right . . . well . . . I suppose I must go and make the world look slightly more awesome! So I'll see you all tomorrow! x

Ahhh normality reigns!

Good morning you little crystal bowls of brightly coloured gem stones. Now I know I don't often say this, but Ahhh Tuesday, how good it is to see you . . . Thankfully the fragrant whiff of normality has finally descended around me. The harsh, thick black clouds of maniacal stress have thinned out and dispersed, leaving me with a clear blue, sunny sky once again.

Yes dear status readers, gone are the mornings of getting up at 5am and then high tailing it (where does that phrase come from?) into work as quickly as I can, so I can fly around the office solidly working my little socks off. (Yes socks are back on my feet now, I have finally and sadly returned the shorts to the cupboard. Farewell Summer 2013 you were amazeballs) Going from one desperately urgent job to the next and then back again like I was fighting fires. Then doing this in the same frenzied state, with hardly enough time to swallow my lunchtime yoghurt, until the blessings of 5 o'clock and home time arrived, when I could go home and crumple into a large brain fried heap, and prepare myself to do the same thing the following day . . . Well they're gone until the next big thing arrives with hardly any time to do it in.

So how have you all been? I've missed you all! Yes even you!! Honestly it's such a relief to brush against the comforting pillow of calmness once more. Still plenty to do of course, but not so much that I spiral into the dark hole of derangement.

Mind you I did have to face my fears and do battle this morning when my alarm sounded at the much more reasonable time. There was a spider in the sink! Now normally of course I would call for the Heroic Spider Ridder at this point, a.k.a Lady T to deal with the fear inducing octoped. However she wasn't due to get up until half seven this morning, so it seemed a little unfair. So in the end I grabbed the very large bathroom jug, (We all have them, for those days when we wish to soak in the bath, but still wish to wash our hair) filled it to the brim from the bath and poured the torrent of water over it, in the vain hope it would disappear down the plug hole. It didn't. I couldn't believe it! It clung onto the sink despite having the entire jugful of water wash over it! At this point I panicked and quickly refilled it, thankfully after it found it's feet and started scuttling around it must of lost it's footing as the second tidal wave of bath water seemed to do the trick. Although I did then shower with the sinks plug firmly in place, just to be sure. Still one can do without that kind of adrenalin filled shenanigans first thing in the morning.

Ah well, things to do and coffee to drink I suppose. See you all tomorrow! x

This is not a test . . .

Goooooooooooooooood morning everyone! Hey, is it a little too early for being that loud? Hey, too late! It's 'O' six hundred hours and what does the 'O' stand for? Oh my God it's early! Speaking of early, you know what they say, early to bed, early to rise, always makes people suspicious. I'm just joking with ya, speaking of funny, I saw an advert the other day for hemorrhoid cream. Why are they called 'hemorrhoids'? Shouldn't they be called 'assteroids'? Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week. Try the veal, it's lovely.

Seriously though, I'm only in this early because I have such a lot to do today, apparently there's a Boat Show on in Southampton and they needs gorgeous graphics for it. Yet despite that, apparently I'll be doing them! They are all needed by close of play on Friday as well! Such fun! So I really ought to start doing them soon I suppose.

So I was going to forgo my usual droning today and just say I'm really sorry I don't have time to write lovely morning waffle this morning (who doesn't like waffle in the morning?) but instead I seemed to slipped into some kind of 'way too early' lack of sleep induced frenzy!

Still, it's all a giggle isn't it? Who cares if it means trouble for myself by the end of play tomorrow. I mean sometimes you got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called having fun.

See ya tomorrow!

Tiredly muchness.

Good morning flowers! I trust you are keeping well despite it all? Still forcing yourself up to face yet another day on life's great conveyer belt? Just keep smiling and acting the fool, we'll be fine! I know people keep telling us that 'Life's not a dress rehearsal' but maybe we should pretend that it is? That way, maybe we would worry a lot less and not make the mountains out of the molehills we face. Maybe we would spend a lot less time stressing over getting stuff wrong and just accept things for the minor hiccups they are? Who knows? Or maybe it's just to early for a conversation this deep?

Sorry about that, I nearly broke into a Philosophical Phursday on a Wednesday! Just managed to stop myself, phew!

Still, morning to you again fine fellows, I trust you are all well rested? I sadly cannot brag the same. Had one of those rubbish sleeps again last night, just couldn't get off. I blame the moth/fly we had sharing the bedroom with us last night. I call it the moth/fly because as the illustrious Mrs T pointed out at the time, although it was actually a fly, it was acting like a moth. Loudly buzzing about while flailing around like it didn't know how to fly. Then constantly smacking it's head against walls and curtains, before resting behind the wall lights so it could burn it's feet on the light bulb and start the process over again!

Not very conducive to help getting off to sleep or just trying to read as I was at the time. I did get out of bed twice to fetch a towel so I could swat it, but every time I got out of bed and grabbed the towel it disappeared! Then the moment I got back into bed . . . "Bzzzzzzzz...bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" Grrrr! Then to top it all off, it had the nerve to try and fly directly up my left nostril! It's amazing how much panic the feel of having a fly trying to insert itself in your face can cause. Not just to the victim but to the poor unsuspecting person laying next to you as well, who suddenly wonders why their other half is suddenly waving their arms like a looney and trying to blow through their nose.

Suffice to say, after that incident I was very much awake and not at all ready for sleepyness, which means I am very tiredly today. Thankfully I did manage to drift off eventually, but I had started doing the 'laying awake and worrying about what time you have to get up' thing and the 'how much time you have got left to sleep'. Not a good idea.

Still got to keep on keeping on and all that!

The return of the great beast.

"So now . . . we finally see . . . after waiting for two weeks . . . the unwieldy and disheveled frame of the Carlimus Maximus Tidium or 'The Common Lump' arise from it's Summer slumber. It seems like months ago now, that it crawled into it's cave for it's Summer break. But now . . . as we watch . . . it stumbles, but manages to stand upright before us, yawning and blinking in the early Autumn sunshine, still proudly displaying it's Summer Plumage."

"Of course you will find 'The Common Lump' will continue with it's Summer plumage until the late Autumn. Or at least, usually much later than most other creatures sporting Summer plumage."

"Now with it's eyes still half closed we see it tentatively reach out and take it's first drink after leaving it's cave . . ."


MORNING!! Ahhh that first coffee, always makes the difference.

How are we all then? Actually I'm not feeling too bad this morning, despite waking from a dream that I was having a bath and noticed that I had various items of table cutlery sticking out of my calf muscles!? Weird I know! There was no blood or anything, or even any pain associated with it, just had silver table forks, knives and spoons and weirdly teaspoons, seemingly inserted into the back of my legs!

Still, enough dream analysis, I back behind my desk now. I thought it would be a lot harder than it actually was getting up today. Still, there's no point in trying to fight it I suppose, I'm back in the driving seat, so I may as well get on with things rather than just moan about them. As let's be honest, that doesn't really help anyone!

HUGE HUGS to anyone who has even noticed I've been away! xx

May I tickle your Thursday Funny?

G'mornin me lovelies, how are we all today? I've woken up in a funny mood this morning. So I best make the most it and spread some Thursday funny I reckon! (My apologies certainly go to Mr Tim Vine for frankly nabbing most of your material).

Honestly I must of slept like a log last night.
I woke up in the fireplace.

Do you know, I went to the dentist on Tuesday. Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? Well the one I was in went backwards and forwards instead! I thought 'This is unusual'. Then dentist said to me 'Mr Tidy, can you get out of the filing cabinet now please'.

Seriously though, I’m that excited about finally having some time off come Friday, the other day I tried zipping myself into a small suitcase!
I could hardly contain myself.

Mind you, last year I went on one of those once-in-a-lifetime holidays.
I'll tell you what, never again.

While I was there I went for a dip in the sea and loads of meat floated past me!
Well it was a bit choppy.

I was coming home the other day and I met this guy who looked a bit like a gangster. Apparently he goes around pulling up the back of people's pants!
It was Wedgie Kray.

When I got home, I got a text from a friend who's apparently fallen in love with two school bags! He's bisatchel.

Mind you, that's nothing I once went out on a date with a Simile.
I don't know what I metaphor.

So I was at home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You were!'

I went to the train station the other day and I said to the bloke behind the counter: "I want to go to Paris." He said: "Eurostar?" I said: "Aww thanks very much, I might look like James Corden, but I've never been on telly."

I cleaned the attic with the wife last weekend.
She still can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
After we cleaned it though, I rang up a local building firm, and I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Four fonts walk into a bar.
The barman says: "Oi - get out. We don't want your type in here."

A jumplead walks into a bar.
The barman says: "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A man walks into a bar with a roll of Tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint for me please, and one for the road."

I do go and see a therapist from time to time actually, he tells me I have a preoccupation with vengeance . . . Well we'll just see about that!

I went to the doctors the other day and I said: "Have you got anything for wind?" So he gave me a kite!

I bought a packet of peanuts, the other day and on the packet it said 'May contain nuts'. Well, YES I KNOW! That's what I bought them for! I would of been really annoyed if I had opened it and a small socket set fell out!

I went out to buy some camouflage trousers the other day,
but I just couldn't find any!
So instead, I went to the corner shop – Managed to buy myself four corners!

Ain't no mountain high enough . . .

Oh yes, the dizzy heights of Wednesday now await us. The summit of Mount Wednesday is stretching up before us, seemingly scraping the clouds from the sky and gathering them around it's peak. Pausing now and taking a deep breath we turn looking down behind us. The foothills of Monday and the steady incline of Tuesday seem so distant and insignificant to us now. Even more so from this altitude, where they appear so small. Even if when we set out together to face the working week, it felt like our feet were made of lead and the thought of clambering skyward seemed an impossible task.

Yet, here we all are. The intrepid souls still all together and for the most part, in reasonable health. Though at this point the air is so thin we find it a struggle to even draw breath, we know that just one more arduous push this morning, should see us conquer Mount Wednesday's terrifying and rock spiked, spire like peak.

Still we take solace, knowing that on the other side of that twisted pinnacle lays the plateau of Wednesday lunchtime. Where we can rest, before boarding the large opulent cable car to travel in comfort to the warm and inviting weeks end thousands of feet below.

May you all have a great journey fellow travelers.

Would you like to swing on a star?

Y-Y-Y-Y-YAAAAAWWWWwwwwn mornin! Not sure if it's just me, but it feels very sleepy out there today. It was especially hard this morning trying to persuade my carcass to remove itself from my bed. I definitely had the lead legs and eyelids syndrome when I woke up. Still I suppose that's what happens if you go to a pub on a school night. Never sure that's a great idea to be honest, still it had to be done and the world has been put to rights now, so all is well.

Then on the way home, and once I got home, I did spend some time with my neck bent backwards and facing the sky watching all the shooting stars. I thought I was probably too late to see any, but I did see quite a few. They're like God's little fireworks, you can't help yourself but go "Oooo" when you see one, unless you're watching them with someone, when the conversation goes a little something like this:

"There's one!"
"Where?"
"Over there!"
"Where?"
"Well, it's gone now hasn't it!"
"Oh"

This conversation will then go round on a loop repeating itself, until one of the party will say "I'm bored now, and my neck hurts. Let's go in, it's cold"

Still, there is still something slightly magical about seeing them race across the starry night sky at around 26 miles per second, in case you were wondering fact fans.

Thankfully no 'Giant Boris' (what I call, unwanted mahoosive spiders) in the works kitchen sink this morning, I purposely left some water in it over night, which apparently stops them from getting trapped in there and scaring the crap out of unsuspecting people the following morning. (Yes I looked up how to stop them appearing in your sink)

Ooo would you look at that, it's Tuesday, which means thanks to my fastly approaching holiday, I now don't have to work another Monday until September! How marvelous! Right, well now my coffee has finally kicked in, I best get going and start doing something with it I suppose.

Friday Friday everywhere, so let's all have a drink.

Okay! Okay! I am prepared to admit it! Maybe, just maybe mind you, deciding to stick with the t-shirt and shorts option of things to wear this morning, might not of been the best choice. Yes, I know it definitely feels like autumn out there at the moment and it's horrible, and rainsome, (yes I did just make up a new word there 'rainsome' meaning full of rain) but I just can't let go of the hope of a little more Summer just yet. Besides, let's not forget it's also Friday, and who doesn't want to wear shorts and smile on a Friday!?

Yes, it's not really that warm out there, yes there are big grey clouds spread across the sky intent on delivering their payload. But you know what!? Later on the sun is gonna come out, and chase away the grey. Then before we know it, it'll feel much more like Summer again. You see I'd much rather regret wearing shorts and a t-shirt now, than I would regret not wearing them a little later when the weather is gorgeous again. Well it makes sense to me anyway.

It's been a funny old week for me, in fact it's been a funny old two weeks really, what with two work colleagues being away on holiday. Which doesn't sound very much, but with there on being five of us in the whole company, it has made the place feel rather empty. Still, I have managed to get everything done that has needed to be done, with my get my head down and attack it attitude. Aside from work I've even managed to finish chapter 4 of 'the book' as well, which I'm quite pleased about. If you're wondering I'm up to around 10,000 words now and only have around another 76 chapters to go!

But let's focus on the now! It's true! Friday has arrived! Finally the end of the slow paced, shoulder hunched trudge of the working week is in sight and the welcoming arms of Friday and the weekend await us. So no matter the weather, it's time to fling our cares and worries to the floor and pick up our smiles and put them firmly in place, because today we're gonna need them.

So the sun isn't shining at the moment, but in a way that's a good thing. As it means, by the time home time comes around in the nick of time, it will feel like time has flown by, (yes I purposely used that many 'times') it shall be shining down upon us and bathing us in it's warm golden light. Filling our hearts with unbridled joy and giving us even more reason to feel even more Friday than we already do.

Well do look after yourselves and have yourself a belter!

Sweet dreams are made of this.

So another Wednesday is beckoning us to it's midweek bosom so we may get comfy and nuzzle and prepare for the long awaited downward slide towards the weekend that is just on the other side of lunchtime.

Well how are we this morning? Another relatively speaking, quite chilly one again. Personally I'm just not very awake this morning. I had one of those nights where you sleep really heavily and actually feel slightly worse for it in the morning. I got up in the middle of the night for a call of nature, (As most people seem to do more and more as they get older. Haha 'Call of Nature' don't ya love that phrase. It sounds like it should be a popular console game for the over 40s!) Anyway, as I said, I had got up thinking it was about 5:00am and it turned out when i got back into bed, that I had only actually been asleep for about an hour and a half!

Then this morning when I woke up, it felt like a bag of lead and that I had been asleep for about three days! I guess it was because my night was so dream filled, thankfully I can't remember much about them, not that I would burden you lot with all the details if I could. (My dreams are generally not for the clinically sane or the easily offended)

Funny things dreams aren't they? It seems to me, they are generally used for letting your 'weird' run free. Plus what seems like hours and hours in a dream may only actually take mere seconds in real time. If only real life could be like that sometimes. Having all the good bits seemingly lasting forever whilst all the dull bits just fly by. It would be really nice wouldn't it? Ahh well a guy can dream I suppose.

Staying out for the Summer!

Good morning cherubs! How's your belly off for spots? I trust we all survived the Monday relatively unscathed? Even if you did get caught in the monsoon of Monday afternoon. (Ooo I'm a poet and I didn't know it!) If you find yourself just getting up and blearily checking Twitter in ya pajamas, (Strange place to keep ya Twitter) to see what's going on in the world. MORNING!! And aww don't you look cute with ya bed hair going on. Although I have to warn you, it may look gorgeous and lovely out there, but it is a little brisk and crisp this morning. Fear not though, I am still in shorted attire. I haven't given up on the Summer just yet. I'm even sporting a classic tie-dye t-shirt for the day, which is lovely.

It's true though, it is beginning to feel like the last days of Summer isn't it? It's like we've had all the really crazy hot days and now we're just clinging to any sunny days that turn up. More reason, if you needed one to make the most of them I reckon. Squeeze out the very last drop of Summer with the meer days of it we have left. For the record, I'm intending to keep on with the shorts and t-shirt for as long as I possibly can. There's something about the 'shorts and t-shirt' combo that just makes me feel more summery inside. Which I suppose is where it's most important, if you feel all summery on the inside, your more likely to act all summery on the outside. Which lets face it is better for everybody.

So I say this to you, on what is pretty much your box standard Tuesday. Cling onto that summer feeling. Whatever it is that makes you feel summery, just keep on doing it. Kick off your sandals and walk barefoot around the lawn. Go and find a lovely spot by a river to have a picnic. Or just lay in the garden and watch the clouds go by. Although do be careful about that kind of thing obviously, the last time I just watched the clouds I took a photo and I ended up being talked about all over the world on TV, the radio and in pretty much every national and international newspaper.

Still, take a deep breath in and grab a good lung full of Summer. Let's make the most of it while we still can.

Seeing is believing?

"Good morning class. Settle down please, settle down. . . *ahem* . . . I said SETTLE DOWN!* Yes, I'm sure you're all terribly excited after the weekend, and are all really pleased to see all your friends again, but would you please sit back in your chairs, settle down and face the front please . . . thank you . . . Right! Let's try that again shall we!? . . . Good morning class. *(chorus of Good morning Mr Tidy)*.

Good! Ok, so I hope you all had jolly good weekends and are all feeling fresh as daisies and eager to face another week together. We have a lot to get through this week, so let's crack on shall we? Price! What are you doing? . . . No! Janice doesn't want to see the frog you've got in you school bag, so please put it away and release it after registration. Oh and Morley! I am watching you, please stop drawing pictures on work book! Especially pictures like that! Yes, I can see what you're doing and frankly that kind of thing should be left until you have biology.

Right! are we all settled now? . . . Good! Is something funny Bostock!? Would you like to share it with the class? Oh and I do hope you brought enough sweets for everybody to have one!? Bring the bag here please. . . thank you. I shall be sharing these out at the end of registration.

Right, where was I? Ahh yes. Monday! I'm sure you've all had terribly exciting weekends and are all very pleased to be here. Today I would like to talk about the phrase, 'Seeing is believing'. It's a very common phrase and I'm sure we've all used it at one time or another, but is it actually correct?

Well, no it's not! Seeing is NOT believing. You see, if we can see something with our eyes, and touch it we have no real need to believe in it, because it's there, it exists and is a physical object that we can interact with. So really the the phrase would be better worded as 'Not seeing, is believing'. Surely believing is an opinion that something exists without having any physical evidence to back it up with. So with this in mind, this morning I would like you to write a short piece on examples where 'Not seeing, is believing'.

Although I do have one more question for everybody today. What on earth are we all doing here!? It's the summer holidays for crying out loud!! Class dismissed!

Friday and The Race Against the Elements.

Friday 2nd August 2013: 06:31am. The challenge was set. The gauntlet thrown down. This was a race against time, and a race against mother nature herself. He knew he only had a short amount of time before those sinister pitch black clouds on the horizon were going to be directly over his head. Feeling sure that he still had enough time, he leapt upon his bike and started the journey into work.

He turned the first corner heading for the main road and glanced up to the heavens. Even now as he looked the dark looming skies seemed to be getting nearer and were now covering more of the horizon. He considered turning back now, and taking the car before he went too far. He circled at the end of the road deciding what to do, before thinking to himself. 'No. I can still probably make this', so he set off with grim determination to his distant destination.

The journey was tiring and hard at this early hour but he battled onwards, keeping an eye of the skies above him at the constantly expanding and progressive ominous dark blanket covering the sky. Then he heard a distant rumble of thunder and was sure that all was lost and that at any moment the heavens would open and his fears would be realised.

Onward he pedaled, as hard as his aching legs would allow, more determined than ever that he was going to arrive at work not looking like a cat who had just fallen in a pond. Then, as he skidded to a halt outside the office front door and fumbled for his keys, there was a bright flash of lightning followed almost immediately by a deafening crack of thunder. Then the heavens opened. Huge fat rain and a lot of it, the kind of rain that soaks you to the skin in seconds. Although this wasn't bothering Carl, as he had made it into the office in the nick of time just as the thunder crashed, and was now smugly just watching the rain fall down from inside.

There probably should be a moral to this story. Probably involving the fact of not always giving up and taking the easy route, even when things seemed stacked against you. Because sometimes, just sometimes, things will go your way and the sense of achievement gained far outweighs the sense of failure should it not. Although, you can probably think of a better one than me.

Still, do have yourself a marvelous blessed Friday one and all.

Squeeze out every drop of sunshine

Well make the most of it, looks like today could be one of the last days of proper hot sunny summer. So, dress less and aim to impress! (Look at me going all Gok Wan!) Seriously though, look at it out there it's flippin gorgeous! Speaking for myself of course, despite all the greyness and rain we've been having recently, I have just flatly refused to give up wearing me shorts so far. For me, the summer is only really over when I begrudgingly have to put the shorts away.

So if you're able to, slap on some sun cream, or get a friend to do it for you and go and rot in the garden on a lounger and demand cold drinks with umbrellas and straws be brought to you at regular intervals. However, if like me you still have to go do that four letter 'work' word. Don't worry, you can still sneak outside as often as you think you can get away with, for a brief frolic in the sunshine. They don't have locks and bars keeping you inside. Just grab a piece of paper and walk purposely like it's very important straight out the front door. Just nip round the back of the building and fling your arms to the sky in adoration of the sunshine. Or just find a patch of grass and simply bask in it's gorgeousness for five minutes or so.

Whatever you do though, just don't waste it, because today may well be one of those days we look back on in a few months and say to ourselves. "I wish I made more of that sunshine while it was around.

Right, well must get on for a bit I suppose before I nip outside again for a sunshine skip around the car park.

Who's sorry now?

Ahh . . . breathe in . . . and hold it . . . a relax. Ahhhhh. I do apologise for my lack of earliness this morning but I was battling with the beast printer in the workshop. I thought to myself 'I'll just get this little job running before I make myself comfy'. So one hour of cursing and shouting at it to just behave and flipping well work, here I am!

There really is nothing worse than machines that you rely on decide to not play ball! GRRRRR. I'm sorry, I do apologise once again for ranting about it, it doesn't really help. Mind you what's annoying me now is that the Facebook spell check is questioning my spelling of apologise!! This is how it's spelt you stupid programme!! Just because your system was built in America doesn't mean we all want to spell things the stupid way Americans do!

Sorry. Apologising is something we Brits do an awful lot of isn't it! I have come to realise that, it’s normally the tiniest of things that can drive me crazy and send me hurtling into a half-hour violent rant while the bigger things don’t really seem to effect me all that much.

The way I see it, if the earth were to wobble off its axis and plummet into the sun, causing a massive explosion which would in turn destroy the entire universe in the space of a few seconds, it would only kill me once. On the other hand, the fifteen minutes between me not being able to find something and then eventually finding it in my pocket will set me off on a rampage of banging things about in a fit of such violent frustration that the whole ‘earth-sun-destruction of the universe’ scenario might seem like a picnic by comparison.

So when things like that happen, we have to apologise.

I think that apologising is one of the hardest things that anyone has to do, in any language and no matter who the person concerned is. Sadly, most people’s apologies these days very quickly become excuses, and eventually switch from ‘I’m sorry for what I did’ to ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’, which is not really an apology but an accusation! Other people just don’t bother to apologise, and try to pretend that nothing actually happened, which is worse! An apology has to be made, because if you don’t say you’re sorry when you should, it sort of means that it wasn’t that big a deal to you, and you don’t really care. So, how should it be done?

“I’m really sorry” is always a good way to start, but maybe the phrase “I apologise” is slightly better? ‘Apologise’ is a verb, and therefore adds a lot more to what you’re saying, whereas ‘sorry’ is just telling the person how you feel. Although maybe it does sound a bit trite?

Here, then, are some 'go to' expressions that may help to get you out of the giant hole you dug for yourself at some point...

Please accept my apology... I 'm really sorry.
I was wrong.
I shouldn’t have said that.
I made a stupid mistake.
I’m genuinely sorry.
There was no excuse for how I acted.
It was not my intention to... I’m terribly sorry.

The key to a successful apology is sincerity! If you don’t really mean it, then don’t bother to say it. Right, now I must crack on with things I suppose . . . Now where did I leave that thing I need? It was just here a minute ago...

Tuesday confession

Good day and good morning ladles and jelly spoons. I'm afraid it's Tuesday already. I'm also afraid I have something of a confession to make. This morning I very nearly turned to the dark side. After watching the weather last night and looking out of the window this morning I very nearly . . . (pauses for dramatic effect) . . . I very nearly decided to wear trousers. (bites knuckle, to indicate guilt) There! I said it! I know it's a little shocking and I'm not proud to admit it, but I did it none the less. I very nearly decided to put the shorts away for the day and get out me strides. I even ummed and ahhed about taking a waterproof coat with me. Yes! A Coat!!

Admittedly that second idea may not of been a bad one, considering what it's supposed to be like most of the day. In fact thinking about it, shorts and a cagoule might of actually brightened my day slightly, as generally speaking shorts and cagoules remind me of childhood holidays or school trips.

Of course to make the school trip experience complete I would then of had to carry around a clip board all day with bit of paper on that I could draw pictures on and hold someone's hand whenever I was walking. It could of been a lovely day thinking about it.

Maybe at lunchtime I could of sat outside on a wall in the rain with my hood up, with my Tupperware lunchbox balanced on my lap. Trying to eat slightly sweaty cheese and piccalilli sandwiches, some cheap supermarket crisps and maybe a Club biscuit or a Trio or a 5,4,3,2,1 bar. Before washing it all down with some very very weak orange squash from my plastic Snoopy Flask. Ahhh those were the days.

See now I'm wishing I had decided to wear a cagoule and make a substandard lunch which I would purposely not put in the fridge to keep cool, but instead carry around in a rucksack for the day. Either that of course or I could of gone for the family holiday option. But that would mean I instead would have to wear my cagoule and shorts combo in the rain, to go to a zoo perhaps, or stroll along a wet and windy beach, or maybe a stroll around a harbour before nipping into some 'excellent quality' gift shops. I do realize my interpretation of 'excellent quality' isn't the same as most people's when it comes to holiday gift shops. I do love a good bit of tat.

Oh dear, I do waffle when I get going don't I? I am very sorry, I was only mentioning the fact that I nearly decided to bring a waterproof with me to work. Right well I suppose I must let you get on, you probably like me, have a string of very import goals to achieve today.

Toodles! x

Helloooooo Monday.

We look up to the skies for inspiration and sadly notice that the bright golden sunshine of the weekend is starting to be shrouded by the grey tinged clouds of yet another Monday. We once again find ourselves at the far end of a port standing on a jetty, feeling slightly chilly, in the cold sea air. The piercing cry of the seagulls seem to be laughing and mocking our misfortune, as they crowd round and terrorize a small trawler, returning from it's nights work. We look back and watch the stern of the mighty 'Weekend' liner slide silently around the headland and out of view, as it sounds it's sorrowful horn. Letting everyone know that the weekend is now over. So, with a heavy heart and sagged shoulders we amble away through the port. Knowing that we now face the rain filled, uphill struggle and seemingly endless expanse of the working week that is stretching out before us.

It's funny how situations change, depending on how you're feeling isn't it? Oh yes it's Monday! Can you believe it! That weekend really did go far to quickly and instead of bright sunshine, we are faced with threatening grey clouds and rain. Still personally I'm refusing to give up on the summer just yet. I'm still defiantly wearing wearing my shorts and a T-shirt and hoping that the weather will notice me and assume it's obviously doing the wrong thing.

I have to say though, the next couple of weeks are holding more than a little dread for me. As one of my colleagues, the one who shares my responsibility of producing wondrous graphics is away on holiday for two weeks. Meaning I am now left trying to produce enough for two people on my own. Eeep! Testing times lay ahead it seems.

The only bright side being that after these two weeks it shall be me who will have two weeks away from the office. Huzzah!

Still, face it we must. So with our heads held high and our chests proudly out, lets rebel against the darkness that Monday is trying to smother us under. Let's continue onwards, knowing that, though we may feel alone and abandoned there are still countless others with us sharing the burden and picking us up when it's all getting too much to bear.

Ahhh breathe in the Fridayness

We look up and notice that once again, the grey tinged clouds of the passing week are drifting slowly apart, to reveal the bright golden sunshine of another Friday. So we find ourselves at the far end of the weeks port. Standing on a jetty, and breathing in the cooling ozone. We listen to the faint call of the seagulls in the distance as they crowd over and dive bomb a small trawler, as it returns from it's nights work. Then from around the headland the bow of the mighty 'Friday' liner slides silently into view, before sounding it's thunderous horns. Letting everyone know that the time is very nearly upon us. When we can excitedly board and set sail for the wide open expanse of Weekend that is stretching out before us.

Oh yes it's Friday! Can you believe it! It really has gone quite quickly this week hasn't it? I am feeling a little tired and achy this morning, due to three random bouts of cramp during the night. I haven't had bad cramp for ages, so I don't know what particularly brought it on last night. It was the kind of cramp that you get in your calf muscles, the kind where you seem to have no option but to leap out of bed as fast as you can and do the quick 'walk around the bedroom dance' to try and stop it. Normally accompanied by the "HmmmMMMmmm HmmmmMMMmm" song that apparently you have to do when experiencing pain as well.

Still, no matter, aside from still slightly painful calf muscles, I am fully ready for everything that the day may offer. I've got my first coffee on the go, my big gay truck is finished and all my job bags seem to be in as much order as they can be. So, with smiles on our faces, let the warm waters of Friday wash over us and let the spark of excitement turn into a roaring flame that we can proudly carry all day.

Hopefully I shall be still carrying the flame later on today as well, as myself and my partner in crime shall be attempting to paint Burgess Hill red this evening. Well ok, maybe not red, but at least a good dark shade of umber. In any event, we shall be doing our best to fling our cares aside and try to have many giggles as is legally allowed anywho. So do feel free to roll up one of your trouser legs or tuck your skirt into the back of your knickers and join us should the mood take you. The more the merrier we always say. Anyway, if I don't see you before do have yourselves a thoroughly full to brimming, marvelous weekend, and I'll see you on the flip side.

Toodle pips!
x

I can sing a rainbow . . .

Rain! Yes you heard me, actual rain fell from the sky on my little journey into work this morning. Although I also had glorious sunshine, low in the sky behind me as well. So the sun shone on the wet roads and made it look like I was traveling to work upon golden roads. Which of course meant that, in front of me was the biggest brightest rainbow I have seen for a long time, straddling the way ahead. All very lovely and almost poetic I'm sure you'll agree. There really must be a lengthy sermon I could give off the back of it. Don't worry though, I won't.

To be honest it did make you think, 'wow' isn't the world brilliant. Which I guess is why rainbows are there, we all love seeing a good rainbow. Now matter how old we are, we always get a little spark of childhood excitement at seeing one. Sometimes of course we even get to see the most rare 'double rainbow' which is even more exciting. It's a feeling like you had when you were younger, and discovering you've got a 'shiny' in your pack of Panini Stickers, you've just bought from the newsagents. Ah simpler times, as the choruses of "Got, got, got, need, got" echo around the playground.

Sorry, I got a bit lost in sentiment for a bit there. Anyway, yes it rained, but it was lovely, so that's fine. Well I've just polished off my bowl of 'Jordan's Super Berry'. Although, I'm really not sure about it to be honest. It's just a bit too 'berry' for me. In fact, it's 'very berry'. The trouble is the berries in it are just a bit too sharp and not enough sweet for me I think. Yes I know, I'm SO sweet I shouldn't need any more sweet in me. Apparently I do! I suppose the only good thing about it is that is does turn the milk purple as you're eating it, so that is a big tick in it's favour in my book. Although I'm not sure I'd bother buying it again.

Right, well, I have a great big gay truck to finish off, and make look gorgeous so I shall be reaching for the rainbow colours once again.

See you tomorrow, for the blessed Friday! I know! Already! 

It's a boy!

Sound the fanfare. Unfurl the flags. Unknot the bunting and string it up once again. Mind you I do like any excuse for a bit of bunting. Raise the Union Flag or drape it from an upstairs window. (Course what I want to know is how come the Union Jack is now called the Union Flag! People always going round changing the names of beloved things. Starburst will always be Opal Fruits to me, Snickers will always be Marathon and Ulay will always be Olay). Yes I'm sure you've heard the new Royal baby has been born.

Mind you, they haven't mentioned it once on the BBC news! Because they have done nothing but mention it. In fact I think today you can pretty much write off hearing any news as it will all be Royal baby. Mind you it's funny how after weeks of sunshine, just after he was born it started with thunder and lightning, I hope they don't decide to call him Damien.

So that will be the next topic of speculation, the name. I admit I was wrong in thinking it was going to be a girl. So my name suggestion is pretty much out of the window. Mind you, Alice probably wouldn't be such a great name for a boy. Unless you wanted to try the Johnny Cash style of upbringing. The wonderful Lady T reckons the best bet for a name is probably going to be James. To be honest I would have to agree with her, it just seems right for some reason. Although it will still be a bit weird naming your son after Uncle Harry's father. Heeheehee.

Still, no doubt the Royal baby news will continue to rumble on throughout the week, much like the thunder clouds that seem to accompany him. Not that we've had any flashes or bangs yet in Burgess Hill. Although it is looking a bit threatening out there.

Right, well got to go. Things to do, creations to create masterpieces to master and all that sort of stuff.

Best foot forward!

Well that was a bit of a weekend wasn't it! As some of you will of seen, me and the Wonderful Lady T spent a large portion of our Saturday at A&E with son number 2. He had twisted his ankle rather badly (or should that be rather well?) and was in so much pain he couldn't bear to put any weight on it. So off we trundled to Hayward Heath, to sit in the waiting room for a few hours. When he was eventually seen, we then shuffled off to go get an X-ray. Then after a little bit more waiting, we were once again herded into one of the little curtained off examination cubicles, and told it was definitely a sprain. We were then given strict instructions that he had to keep trying to walk on it and that he wasn't allowed to do any cycling, running or sports for the next two weeks. After which we made our escape back to normality. Phew! To be honest it was nice actually spending some proper time with him, as we normally hardly ever see him.

To be fair to him, yesterday he seemed to be coping with it rather well and was making superb efforts at tentatively walking on it again, without too much moaning. Of course I'm doubting he will be quite so keen to prove his wellness with school looming this morning. Still, I suppose you have to try your luck at 14 even if it usually doesn't get you anywhere.

Well that's all behind us now, and Monday is upon us once more. So once more, it is time to turn to face the way ahead, take a deep breath and take the first tentative step into the new week sprawling before us. Although do prepare yourselves for a hot one, as it does promise to be another rather gloriously warm Sunshine filled day. I would suggest having a 'wear nothing to work day' but to be honest I fear we may get funny looks if we tried it, and there are certain places that none of us want to get sun burnt. Plus rubbing Factor 50 on those places in front of colleagues is normally frowned upon. So probably best to go for the usual loose fitting garments that these conditions call for.

Right! Well, as they say best foot forward people! (In son number two's case, that'll be his left foot) See you all tomorrow.

Summer dreams, make you feel fine

Well a rootin' tootin' good day and good morning to you all, this fine, bright and slightly frisky Friday. (Although do try to go a little easy on the 'tootin' side of things as this can often offend) I really can't believe it, we've had over two weeks of what we would call proper Summer and it's still promising to continue! Long may it last I say, you won't ever find me moaning about sunshine, I lurrrrve the sunshine regardless of how warm it may be. (Me and the sunshine, sittin' in a tree . . . ). It just brings out the best in us doesn't it! Well most of us, anyway. I know there are those who suffer because of it, so I can't really claim it for all parties.

We do however find ourselves more open to smile at people, even complete strangers we may pass on the street. Of course, if we do converse with passers by after smiling at them, being English we only really have two options that we normally reach for, which are: "Hot enough for you!?" or "Cold enough for you!?" which we should then end with a polite chuckle at our hilarious statement. At the moment we can only really sensibly use the first option, as trying to use sarcasm on a passer by never works. Take it from me, they just look confused at you and suddenly cross over the road.

We all have our own favourite Summer songs to listen to as well don't we. I heard mine on the way into work this morning actually, which is 'Ventura Highway' by America, if ya interested. I know the marvelous Lady T's is 'Ocean Drive' by The Lighthouse Family. Still whatever yours is, go bung it on and crank up the volume, you will feel better for it! Summer is also of course the time when we should also be making plans to do whatever it is that makes us feel more Summery! Be that cold beer in a pub garden, a barbecue with friends, stroll along the beach or a drive along a long coast road. Whatever it is make plans and go do that thing! Because the best thing we can do with this rare and glorious Summer we're currently experiencing is to make some glorious memories to go with it.

Do look after yourselves, I'll see you lovely lot Monday.

Sing-a-long-a-Summer

Good morning troops! Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE the sunshine. This is the kind of Summer we all dream about having every winter. So when it comes along I revel in it. However I know that there are a lot of people who don't. So my latest, summer based, little ditty is for all of you.

To the tune of 'Walkin' on Sunshine' if you would please:

I used to think sunshine was lovely,
I’m now not so sure,
When I awake, at day break,
and just slouch out the door,
With weather that calls out for no socks
I can’t cool myself down,
There is no hope,
in my own sweat I’m starting to drown

(chorus)
I'm meltin’ in sunshine, woh-oh
Had enough of this sunshine, woh-oh
I'm meltin’ in sunshine, woh-oh
And it don't feel good!
I’ve said it now
And it don't feel good.
Hell, yeah

I used to think hot days were lovely
I know that's not true
Cos I don't wanna spend my whole life
Turning red, feeling blue
Don't mind it being sunny at weekends
Or just a few days
Now it’s even too hot at night
And we all lay awake, oh yeah!

(chorus)
I'm meltin’ in sunshine, woh-oh
Had enough of this sunshine, woh-oh
I'm meltin’ in sunshine, woh-oh
And it don't feel good!
I’ve said it now
And it don't feel good.

Feel cooked alive
Can’t stand the heat
Just feel that burn
It makes ya sick
Feel cooked alive
Can’t stand the heat
Just feel that burn
It makes ya sick

Meltin’ in sunshine, baby oh, oh no!
Meltin’ in sunshine, baby oh

Drink well from Friday Fountain.

Breathe in! . . . and hold it . . . and relax. Once again, deep breath in! . . . and hold it . . . keep holding it . . . and relax. Now shake your arms and roll your head round the left. Keep shaking your arms and roll your head round to the right. Now finish off with a great big satisfying stretch. . .There now, doesn't that feel better!? For today is going to be a good day and having a little limber up will just make us feel more ready for the day that faces us.

Yes indeed dear people, tis the day of Fri once again, the blessed Friday, and although it may not look like it at the moment, eventually this grey cloud will part and be replaced by the hot glorious sunshine we have now become accustomed to. So fling off the shackles of worry, discard that heavy weight of perturbation hanging around your neck and kick off those lead boots of woe. For today IS Friday and as such WILL be a good day.

It's time to have a dress down Friday, even if there isn't an official one planned. Wear as little as you think you can get away with! Just be comfortable in yourself, be proud of who you are, and hold you head up high because you are magnificent and all together we are unstoppable. Nothing that may be flung our way today will slow us down, nothing can be said that will spoil our vim. No one has the power to quash the unequivocal power of our jubilation today.

So stand tall and count yourself as one of the blessed and outstanding people today, because indeed that is what you are. So let's get out there, do the dance of joy, and greet this Friday with open arms and a smile on our face! Let us be that good example of how others wish that they were.

Have blinding gorgeous weekends people!

A historical and momentous weekend

Good morning dear friends, family and people I barely even know. Once again we all join together, standing arm in arm and side by side in solace. Having witnessed, once again, the deep orange sun setting and dip below the curve of another weekend. Now the new week has dawned, Monday is upon us, already nipping at our heels and demanding our attention like a badly behaved puppy. But, before we pick up this naughty pup and tuck it under our arms, when it will no doubt try to nibble on our noses, or indeed, just carry it over to, and rub it's nose in the mess it has left by the back door. Let's just have a little look back to the weekend.

I'm sure there are none of us this morning who can ignore the fact that during the course of the weekend, something rather amazing and historic for our country happened. Something, that none of us really thought, deep down, that we would ever see. Something momentous. Something that has lifted the spirits of our entire Nation. Yes, that's right, I am of course talking about an uninterrupted and hot, gloriously sunshine filled, proper Summer weekend. Oh and apparently some Scottish bloke won a game of tennis.

Don't get me wrong, I am very very pleased for Mr Murray that he won. He seems like a smashing bloke and certainly deserved it and fought very hard indeed for it. It has always just niggled me slightly that we are, so pride hungry and all too keen to label players with the British stamp of approval, proudly claiming him as ours, simply because he is doing very well. I mean let's not Greg Rusedski for example, and he was Canadian!! We all know, that if there was a chap from England who had Andy's blistering skills and was doing as well, we would definitely dub Mr Murray as merely Scottish.

We all pump ourselves up with so much pride and say how proud we are that we won! Although I have never have really understood why? I mean, none of us actually played or had to face the pressure that he must of felt under. We didn't help train him or have any input into how good he has become, so let's all just turn it down a notch. It's absolutely fine to be very pleased for him and comment on how proud his family and trainers must be feeling, not to mention his very fine indeed girlfriend. But let's not all get so inflated with pride that we end up looking like a bunch of arrogant arses.

Right, Moanday moaning over with, let's get back to making the most of basking in this simply divine bout of Summer we're having!

Sunshine Super Friday

Morning! Although to be honest it does barely feel like it, despite the whole sunny fridayness! I had one of those nights last night. You know the ones I mean, when for some reason the function in your brain which would normally switch off when you would normally go to sleep, doesn't switch off.

I had a dreadful night. The last time I accidentally looked at the clock it said 3:08am. As I'm sure you're all aware, the first rule of not being able to sleep is to try and not look at the clock, because mentally that just makes things five times worse, because then you are aware of how little time you have left to try and go to sleep. Still I'm not sure how much long a laid there waiting for sleep to turn up, but it was quite a little while. No rhyme nor reason for it of course, just one of those annoying nights.

So in my wisdom this morning when my alarm jolted though my head at 6:08am this morning, I thought just to add to my feelings of utter exhaustion I may as well cycle in today and it's going to be frankly gorgeous. It wasn't a bad idea so to speak, it just means that now my muscles feel as spent as my brain does. I think it's important to have some kind of balance in these things.

Still, cotton wool brain and heavy limbs aside, there really is no mistaking the fact that is going to be a frankly amazeballs Friday! So put on as little as you dare, don't be afraid to flash the flesh as they say (although, do bare in mind, we don't wish to scare the normal people do we?) just get out there and frolic about a bit. Bask in the warm sunshine for what is promising to be a proper Summer weekend! The kind of Summer weekends, that we only dream about the rest of the year. So whatever you do today, on what is promising to be a frankly fabulous friday, and the rest of this upcoming sublime weekend, do try and squeeze as many sunny memories out of it as you can.

See you on the other side you whole bag of gorgeous people.

Charge your glasses please.

Well hello there! Yes I know it's all kind of muggy and grey out there at the moment, it even had the nerve to drizzle on the way in this morning! But fear not, yes there may well be a few more spits and spots as the day goes on, but then, after tonight it's gonna be guaranteed lushness all the way to at least Tuesday. So I'm led to believe at any rate.

So don't get too bogged down and despondent about the dullness today, just think of it as that tiny irksome bit of a big party, just before everyone turns up, when you're just pacing around worrying if anyone will show up. Because after that, and before you know it, the music starts playing, the drinks start flowing and the fun and laughter begins. Then you're just left there wondering what you were worrying about in the first place!

Right that's my weather report finished . . . I'll have you know a lot of people rely solely on my weather updates before they get dressed in the mornings! I'm more reliable than even the BBC's adorable Carol Kirkwood! Who, on a side note, told me I was 'brilliant' on Monday!

So how do I find you this lovely Friday Eve? All tickety-boo I trust? Of course, it is indeed a very important day for some today, it being the 4th of July. Yes I am talking of course about, my sister and brother-in-law who celebrate their 21st Wedding anniversary today. May blessings be poured upon them all day I say! Oh and apparently it's quite an important day in America as well. I believe it has something to do with us Brits letting them off their leash back in 1776 and Tom Cruise sitting in a wheelchair wearing a beard. Which basically forms a good excuse for a bank holiday, parties with family and lots of fireworks, so I'm lead to believe.

Still, whatever you decide to do with your 4th of July let's raise a little glass in their direction anyway. After all, any excuse for a party and a good time is a good excuse in my book.

Stop the ride, I wanna get off.

Good morning and good day to all you wondrous folks, and may I say how perfectly peachy you are all looking at this very moment in time. Yes even you! In fact, especially you! Just don't ever change, you're practically perfect just as you are. Sorry, got a mouthful here, please excuse me while I finish my bowl of Jordans. (Other cereals are available, always read the label and please enjoy cereals responsibly) . . .

There! All done, sorry about that I also had to nip off to leave a note for the milkman as well. Yes we have a milkman here at the office, one that we can leave notes in top of milk bottles for about milk supply, it's all very lovely out here in the rural little business park in which I nestle. We even have a postie who pops in when he brings the letters, just to say good morning. It's all very 1978 here, which of course I do think is lovely.

It is quite easy to slip into nostalgic, backward facing feelings and miss the way things were isn't it? It seems to me life was just a little more meaningful way back when. We seem to live in a world of wanting things, and wanting them instantly at our fingertips. We're so caught up in knowing what's going on around us, and we pour our lives into things like Facebook and Twitter, of which, I am probably one of the most guilty, that we don't ever really see what's really going on around us.

Life just flows around us at such a pace that we never really have time to stop and take it in. Excuse me for sounding like a cheesy advertising line, but it seems to me that we're so busy cataloging and reporting our thoughts, our dreams and our memories, that we don't ever get the real opportunity to make any or do any that really count. Then before we know it, we find that we have left it too late to do anything about it.

So I guess what I'm trying to say here, is that there is nothing wrong with stopping and having a bit of backward thinking every now and then, in fact it's probably the best way forward.

Tally ho!