Good
morning, good day and a tumultuous 'Well hello' to you. So how are
things on your side of the mountain? Well I have to say it! That Tuesday
really wasn't as bad as all that really was it? Sure it was a little
poopy in places and the weather certainly didn't help any, but generally
not too bad. Certainly everything here seemed to go roughly according
to the plan in my head, which is always good. (Yes, of course I have
have plans!! RUDE!) Still, I shall now cast aside the shackles of 'The
Tuesday' and welcome the warm roundness of a comforting Wednesday to
nestle against me. Ahhh that's better.
Yes it's mid-week
already! Only a few short hours before we can grab our mats with the
little foot pocket at the end and ride the long bumpy slide towards the
weekend. Where of course we shall leap off the bumpy slide and collect
our free Candy Floss on a stick, (It's always better on a stick, rather
than just in a bag isn't it!) before we head over to
the Waltzer and actually make ourselves feel a bit ill. Oops, sorry
about that, I seem to run away and got lost with my own metaphor again.
(Don't know if you've noticed, but I do tend to do that)
So
today is the 15th of May, which did you know, (brace yourself fact fans)
was the day in 1649 that Oliver Cromwell and the then 'Rump Parliament'
(No I didn't make that up, it really is a type of Parliament) declared
England a 'commonwealth' or free state! True fact! I do like the idea of
a 'Rump Parliament' though, sounds so much more fun, if a little saucy.
Still I do like a little bit of sauce as I'm sure you know. If you were
wondering a 'Rump Parliament' is any parliament left over from the
actual parliament after some kind of overthrowing I believe. Of course
having said I'd quite like a 'Rump Parliament' I think it is kind of
what we've got at the moment anyway! It certainly seems like there's
more than enough arses in the government to call it that anyway! Haha!
Still, things to do, and printers to swear at! (that's the machines
themselves by the way and not a poor person who runs a large press) So I
really must crack on! (I'm sorry there really has been far too many
bottom related references in my little blog this morning)
See you all tomorrow!
xxx
It
was during a particularly blustery day, that the hotchpotch of letters
had fallen from the poor postman's overturned trolley. (They don't have
sacks anymore!) He found himself whining in despair while desperately
scrabbling to collect them all before they blew away. When a fortunate
stroke of serendipity came to pass. The wind ceased to blow, the sun
came out from behind a cloud, and three kindly strangers appeared
apparently from nowhere, and immediately started helping the stricken
postman collect his mislaid letters.
Peter,
for this was the name of the postman in question was overwhelmed with
gratitude, if a little shocked at the sudden help. Although couldn't
help but wonder where the three kindly strangers had come from and just
who they were. He looked at them while he busily collected the scattered
envelopes from the ground with the help from the three. They looked
very officious in their matching long black rain coats and wide brimmed
fedora hats.
Very soon, all the spilled envelopes and packages
had been collected up and returned to Peter's toppled trolley, which had
now been helped back onto it wheels. Peter was just about to launch
into giving them thanks and telling them how kind they were, when the
tallest of the strangers walked up to him, and shook him warmly by the
hand using both of his leather gloved hands (because handshakes with
both hands always feel more sincere) and said in a very calm and
reassuring voice "No need to thank us Peter, it was a pleasure to help
you" Then the three smiled at Peter and continued on their way.
Peter smiled and felt that warm glow you get, when someone does
something kind for you. He was just about to carry on with his round
when he suddenly stopped in his tracks and turned and said, "Hold on a
minute, how did you know my name?" but the three strangers were nowhere
to be seen. They had seemingly completely vanished! All that remained
was the sound of a lone blackbird chirping in the distance, the now soft
breeze on his face and the neat and freshly cut front gardens and damp
pavements of Plumtree Avenue
It's
ok! I know how you're feeling! You've woken up to discover that the
glorious Summerette we've been experiencing has gone. The welcoming
sunshine has gone and been replaced with grey clouds and rain. Yes it's
going to make things a little tougher and seem a little bleaker, but we
can get though this! Like I've said before we all need a little rain in
our lives, otherwise like little flowers we won't be able to grow. So
let's not see the rain as a depressing thing, let's look at it as
something we need to carry on. A little bit of a life giver if you will.
Come on, come in here and we'll all huddle together and have one of
those really awkward group hug moments, where you don't really know
where to put your arms, and sometimes you just kind of find yourself in
the middle and unable to participate in the hugging, so just become a
hugee. Not that there's anything wrong with that of course. In fact that
can be quite nice sometimes. Just hold your
arms tight by your side and feel the squish of a really big hug. See!
That's much better isn't it!? Well I feel better for it anyway. There's
not many situations in life when a hug can make you feel even a tiny bit
better about things. That's just a fact!
I do of course offer a
hug ministry as you know, the emergency red phone will ring and I will
get the call. It could be something like this. "Hello is that Tidy Hug
Ministries? . . . Yes, well it's raining and I'm having a 'I feel ugly
and unloved' kind of day. Can you get here as soon as possible please"
So of course I jump into the Hugulance (It was going to be called the
Squeezewagon but honestly that sounded a bit rude . . . ok a lot rude)
then I rush round to where ever I'm needed as soon as I can get there.
Then it's just a matter of confirming the details and then opening my
arms to deliver the much needed huggle. Then it's just back to office to
await the next call. Yes it's a busy life, but I feel that I am just
another emergency service, just doing my job.
In 1973 a
crackpot was born and should of been sent away for not being normal,
maybe even commited. This man promptly escaped normal life and became
slightly odd and a bit special. Today, not wanted by the government, he
survives as soldier of sunshine. So, If you have a problem - if no one
else can help - and if you can find him - maybe you can call on: T.H.
Ministries!
MORNING!!
Ahhh well wasn't that a lovely weekend! That little taste of Summer
yesterday was gorgeous wasn't it! Sadly I didn't see much of it myself
as me and the ever suffering Mrs T spent the majority of it assembling a
large solid wood corner bookshelf for the master bedroom. I must say I
am quite pleased with the results, even if during the assembly there was
an awful lot of swearing and injuries. It turns out that inserting a
cross-head screwdriver through the skin of your left index finger is
quite painful.
There was of course the normal cursing of the
supplied instructions as well, as they expect you to defy the laws of
physics and gravity when assembling said furniture. Plus they tell you
quite happily that you only need two people to assemble the furniture.
What they neglect to tell you is that these people must have at least
four arms each! I even vowed that we shall never again purchase any
furniture that needs self-assembly! Still it's
now proudly in place and looking quite splendid, even if I do say so
myself. It's even left the room with a faint freshly cut wood aroma,
which is a rather nice touch.
Still, sore fingers and aching
palms from all the screwing (NO! Stop it!) aside, the rest of the day
was really quite lovely! Although I did do something else rather
reckless, I shaved off the beard in a fit of summer feeling madness.
Sadly it now means my face looks weird! Don't get me wrong, I've always
known and accepted I have a funny looking face, it's just now there's an
awful lot more face on show! Never a good thing as far as my face is
concerned! No shall not be posting photos! I shall be hiding in a dark
cave with a bag over my head, shouting things like "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!"
until the beard has returned.
Still, never mind, we now find
ourselves at the head of a brand new week, all be it a much shorter one
for most of us and a really quite gorgeous looking day awaits us once
more! (Yes! even though it's a The Tuesday!) Although if you plan to
dress less and make more of the sunshine, I would double your efforts
today as it looks like this little tastette of Summer will be leaving us
for a while after today. So make the most of the here and now and
welcome it with open arms. Although do be careful out there, don't want
you going silly and ending up looking like a lobster! As the song says:
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of 2013. Wear sunscreen. If I could
offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long
term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the
rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering
experience...I will dispense this advice now.
Right, well that
seems to of wrapped things up nicely! See you all tomorrow when of
course we shall all compare tan lines! WAHEY! xx
AHEM!!
Eyes front please! . . .Good morning class . . . *awaits the screeching
of chairs as the class stands up, and the droning chorus of "Good
Morning Mr Tidy" said in a singy way* . . . Right! Now settle down
please class, I SAID SETTLE DOWN! That means YOU as well Mitchell.
There's always one isn't there and it's usually you Mitchell isn't it!?
See me after class! . . . Yes, ok, I know you are all terribly excited
because it's a Friday and it's nice and sunny and there is a sunny and
warm bank holiday weekend approaching, but that is NO reason to go
around acting like a insane battalion of manic, eccentric lunatics!! . .
. OH who am I kidding! It's a PERFECT reason to go around acting like a
battalion of manic, eccentric lunatics!! Let's GO NUTS! WOOOOO!! YIP!!
YIP!! WHEEEEEEEE!!!
Seriously! Who would of thunk that a month
ago when it was still minus silly temperature and snow was still
happening in places, that come May Day Bank Holiday it would
be feeling like Summer! Glorious!! Yes indeed, it promises to be a damn
fine Bank Hol weekend. So get out there and fire up the barbeque! I
know some of you already have! Yes! I'm looking at you!! Or go and do
that meet up in the pub beer garden, you've been meaning to do, or get
yaself down the beach with all the other thousands of people, if the sea
is what floats your boat! (Haha! Did you see what I did there!). Just
let's not waste it! Really sunny and nice Bank Hols a rarer than the
Lesser Spotted Shimmering Twingle in this country so I say to heck with
any plans you may of had. You know what they say about "The best laid
plans of mice and men" Although that's always made me wonder what 'Mice
Plans' are!? Something like: 1. Make semi-circular hole in skirting
board. 2. Get cheese. 3. Run away from cat. 4. Somehow trick cat into
running into and ironing board for comedic purposes. Sorry I got side
tracked there! Basically what I'm saying is, go do something a little
special because this will surely the weekend to do it! So get out there
and make some happy memories!
Yesterday I was
inspired by a great friend who was wearing a Kilt and a Fez, (excellent look, by the way) so this morning I
decided to give in and get the shorts out the cupboard! (Really MUST
get myself a kilt!) So if anyone wishes to by me a belated 40th birthday
present, a Utility Kilt would be the one for me thank you so very much.
That's really all I'm going to say today, I'm keeping it shorter and
sweeter so we don't waste another moment and can get on and languish in
the warm gloriousness of a frankly fabulous Friday!
See you all on The Tuesday! (Unless I see you in a beer garden before that of course!) xx
Well
would you look at that! It's only gone and turned into Friday Eve
already! A lot sooner than expected as well. Well for me at least having
been still languishing in birthday land on Monday. Isn't it gorgeous
out again today! I might well leave it out! (Sorry I had to say it)
Actually despite it's obvious gorgeousness it still is pretty bloomin
chilly out there at the moment, so don't be deceived if you're stepping
out early this morning, like I was. Something with long-sleeves is
definitely required at the moment. Still, if it does carry on with this
warm Springyness for a little longer the shorts may have to come out!
There! I've said it! The first talk of shorts this year. Another one of
those annual milestones I like to mentally check off. I had another one
of those the other day, it was the first garden sighting of a bumble
bee. Ahh, such simple things make me smile and feel all at peace with
things. Although I am, as yet, still to see
this years first garden spotted butterfly. Which isn't a type of
butterfly even though it sounds like one. It's just the place where I
usually spot it.
It's true though, I think all this Springness
does us all the power of good. When the sun is shining and the sky is a
clear blue, even when it's still a little chilly, somehow things seem
more relaxed. We feel a lot more forgiving of people and it kind of
paints a little smile on all of our hearts. It truly is a magnificent
time of year. It also tells us that even though it's pretty blooming
lovely we still have the hope of a gorgeous Summer to follow. Even if
like recently we get very let down with our actual Summer, during the
Spring we still have that hope of gorgeous one to come.
So I
say try and make the most of the frankly gorgeous bit of Spring we're
having at the moment. (Sorry, I've used the word gorgeous too much now
and it's starting to sound weird) Get outside and meet people, go and
have an evening drink in a beer garden. I promise you, you will feel so
good for doing it, there really is something rather nice about sharing
company and maybe an ice cold alcoholic beverage with a few people in a
sunny beer garden, while putting the world to rights. In fact I feel we
should all meet up and do this said thing! (Yes EVEN YOU!).
Most of all, try and remember how you are feeling in those times when
you can relax, take a deep breath and just enjoy the laziness of
Springtime and hold onto those memories when the clouds do come over and
bring a little greyness into our lives. It really does make a whole
world of difference.
Well toodle pips dear reader, see you tomorrow. x
MORNING!!
Looks like another glorious Springy morning out there. How are we all
today? . . . Really?! . . . Oh . . . Oh I see . . . how lovely! Well, I
think I shall leave you to it then, as it very much were. (Honestly,
that was just RUDE! Far too much information I thank you so very much
indeed) Still I do find it's nice to come together at the beginning of
the day, I find it helps us collect our thoughts and let's us focus on
the day before us. Not sure why I'm using the collective noun there.
It's like I found myself using 'The Royal we'. (Ooer sounds a bit rude!
*snigger snigger*) As I can really only vouch for how it helps me! I
certainly can't make any such claim on anyone else who stumbles across
my daily mutterings and decides they've got a few minutes spare to
bother reading it. Sorry, now where was I? Oh yes, that's right I hadn't
even really started yet! Sorry about that, one paragraph down and
nothing of any use or meaning has been uttered! No change there then, I
hear you cry! (Which if you did was actually a bit rude.)
This
morning ladies, (Yes, gentleman readers I am mainly talking to the
ladies this morning, sorry about that) I should like to impart some
knowledge unto you with regard to the male brain and it's process of how
it works. (Yes, yes alright, a very rare thing indeed). Today I would
like to explain the reason why at some point you will look at your man
disparagingly (there's today's BIG word) as he stands before you
completely naked except for wearing socks. Yes I know this is a bug bear
of a lot of you, but alas you will find that all men, well at least all
British men, will at some point be sporting the 'naked except for
socks' look. This I know is seen as a particularly unsexy look for any
man. It doesn't even help if you try and add a bit of humor to it by
wearing a sock on your downstairs gentleman either apparently!
You see ladies, when we do this, you will be shocked to know that we
are not actually trying to attain the 'sexy' look. All we are doing is
either getting dressed to go somewhere or getting undressed to go to
bed. The reason we end up in this position is just down to the pure
logic that our brains seem to want to try and achieve. You see, when a
man gets undressed he goes about it systematically. He starts at the top
and works his way down, thus the socks being the last item to remove.
The same formula is used when getting dressed only in reverse, so we
start at the bottom and then work our way up! It really is as simple as
that. You see when we're not thinking about it, our brain will
automatically revert to basic logic functioning without the thought of
how we appear even coming into the equation.
So there we are,
another mystery of men revealed! Sadly it just comes down to that fact
that yet again we men are but simple creatures. Of course if you do have
any other questions into the male psyche, please ask away and I shall
try to tackle them at some point in the future.
Right, well
must crack on, things to do, creative masterpieces to try and achieve
and the usual struggles to tackle. See you all tomorrow on Friday Eve!
