I think we must of all felt like this at some point in our lives. Let’s say you’ve been invited to a party, and you only really know the person whose party it is. There are loads of people there and they all seem to be friendly and are all having a laugh and seem and know a lot more people than you do. No one seems to be interested in you, because they don’t really know you. They just don't seem to be seeing you at all. Your friend whose party it is, is busy with all the other people. Then you start to feel neglected and rejected. Sound familiar?
All of us, at times, have thoughts of “no one understands me. Does anyone actually really care about me. If I died would it really matter to anyone? No one knows the real me . . . and even if they did, they probably wouldn't like me.”
So what do we do when we start thinking like that? We decide the best course of action is to withdraw even further into ourselves, so we can get ourselves even more miserable, grumpy and depressed!
The trouble is, a lot of people, who are considered “the life of the party” are in fact socially bankrupt on the inside and as self-loathing and over-sensitive as you can get.
So what’s is the problem here?
Well for a start we think we have to perform for other people in order for them to actually like us. Rather than just liking us for who we are.
We’re told by the media in one way or another, that to survive in life, we can’t trust anyone. So we build up walls, thinking, I will never be hurt again. People are never what they seem, so I must protect myself. Don’t trust them or you will get burned. Don’t let anyone get inside.
We start thinking, people don't care about us so why should I care about them. We begin to think that people only want what is good for them. That my well-being is meaningless to everyone else.
People tell you they love you or that they are there for you, but it's all show. People don't really actually care.
The trouble is someone who feels lonely in the crowd of people, must first raise his or her self esteem. Set yourself some goals and try to achieve them, no matter how little they seem.
Life is very important and we only get one shot at it. So try to live a life in such a way that you can feel proud of it. Try and be that good example that you wish you were. You ARE a good person and it’s important to know that. So does it really matter if others don’t understanding us? Try to understand their problems and help them, rather than asking for help hand-outs all of the time. As the saying goes, if you start giving, you will start receiving.
For a start, find out if anyone you know is also facing such a state. For this you will have to shift your attention from yourself to other people. Start actually listening to others. Ask them about their problems. You may find that there are few others out there who are also in the same boat.
So if you suddenly feel lonely in a crowd, remove yourself. Don't mentally beat yourself up over it. Simply come to terms with the fact that we’re all different and this particular crowd isn't for you. Don't set yourself up for more stress. Just walk away and look for a crowd that shares your point of view.
Sadly a lot of us are performers. The trouble is the more we carry on performing, the more prone we are to finding ourselves feeling lonely in a crowd. What this all boils down to of course is the underlying fact of a massive fear of being lonely.
Look around you, if you stopped performing or being the great pretender. Who do you think would actually lose interest in you? Sure there may be a few shallow friends that say “So and so’s really boring and miserable these days”. But I also gaurantee you there would be much more that wouldn’t. The people who genuinely care are there no matter who we are, or who we are pretending to be!
They see us for who we really are and still want to spend time with us. Sometimes these people are friends, sometimes they’re your family. Whoever they are, deep down I think we all know who those people are. These are the people that really matter, the people that love us no matter how we are feeling. So cling onto the thought of these amazing gems of people and you’ll never feel lonely in a crowd again.
Look after yourself, and each other.
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