The Tweet is Mightier Than The Sword

My mother used to say to me “If you haven’t got anything nice to say then don’t bother saying anything at all.” (Take note Craig Revel Horewood) I guess the world would be a nicer place it we all did that, but we don’t. All too often conversations start with “Oh you won’t believe what so and so said about me/you/someone else!” I suppose the trouble is in todays world with all the wonders of social media, the problems of people saying down right nasty things to other people has probably multiplied monumentally.

Hurtful words do cause low self esteem and damage our self confidence. Words are very powerful and can be devastating when they are used to hurt someone else on purpose. The words we speak or write down in a text or post on the internet, can have a huge affect not only on us, but on others as well.

It is important to realise the massive effect words can have. The trouble is you do get the crowd that say, “I was only joking!” or “No offence!” or “I didn’t MEAN it!”. The thing is whether we mean it or not, if things are said often enough they can change the very nature of the person they are aimed at and lower their self esteem and give that person a damaged view of themselves for a very long time to come.

People don’t realise the massive effect that hurtful words can have on others. Hurtful words can cause life long damage and is the cause for low self esteem in people, especially if it’s put on them as a child although just as easily as an adult.

The best way forward if ever it does happen to you, is to forgive the person who said/wrote it. Through what ever insecurities they have they thoughtlessly said something horrible to you, to try and make themselves feel better about themself. So just forgive them and move on with your life. Although if it really effected you, the quicker you begin to repair the damage to your self esteem the better.

Low self esteem is basically caused by the negative thoughts that we have about ourselves. To overcome low self esteem, is a very long process but we must at least try to change these negative thoughts to positive ones. The first step in doing this is by changing the way we talk to ourselves. We must try to stop all of the negative self talk for a start, it is only doing more damage. So try replacing your negative self talk with positive self talk.

When you find yourself thinking something negative about yourself (such as – I'm so stupid or I'm so fat or I’m so ugly or useless), replace it with a positive stuff (such as – Ii I really look at it, I have a great life or Most of the time I’m fairly happy, there are loads of people who do love me). Sit down and figure out a few positives that would make you feel better and give your self esteem that little boost it needs. Eventually your subconscious mind will believe them to be true. Although it may take a little while to achieve.

The trouble with hurtful words apart from causing us to feel sad, can also result in resentment and anger. With these negative emotions ruling the roost, we are living in misery instead of enjoying life.

It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, your self esteem is all about what you think about yourself. So don't dwell on the negative thoughts, turn these around to positive ones. Try as hard as possible to be the most positive person you can be.

Be kind to everyone you meet and alway try to give someone, even if you’ve heard bad things about them from someone else the benefit of the doubt before you treat them in any other way. When we’re nice to someone we boost our own self esteem and theirs as well.

If someone is constantly negative about people try and avoid them! Attitudes are contagious – so try and be around people with good attitudes. That can also raise your self esteem too. Somebody a lot wiser than me once said, If we turn our face to the sun, all our shadows fall behind us.

Let’s face it, we could all do with a greater bit of self esteem it feels good to feel good!

At the end of the day I guess mum was right, it is always better to look at other people’s positives and trying to build someone up to feel good about themselves, rather than focusing on their negatives and trying to bring them down.

Stuck in a rut?

The trouble with Autumn is that whether we’re aware of it or not we all suffer a bit with the winter blues. Just the thought of spending the next few months knowing that the days are going to get darker, the weather is going to get colder. It just makes us all a bit more prone to looking at our life under a microscope and finding everything that feels wrong. We might start thinking like we’ve just got stuck in a rut, life is monotonous, dreary and uninspiring. Everyday, every week, the same routine, what the point! So how can we make ourselves stop feeling like this, and start making if feel exciting and new again? Well the first thing to do is to make a conscious decision to try and do something about it.

Give yourself some little personal challenges, they’re a very good way of motivating yourself to do something new. If you’ve got no realistic target it is easy to make a half hearted effort and then give up. However, when we have something very clear and perfectly achievable to aim for, it is much more likely we will actually do it. Little achievements go a long way!

We could spend 24 hours a day complaining about various things; but, would that give us any real lasting satisfaction? When we moan about stuff, all we’re doing is actually making our energy and focus negative. Complaining just makes life seem more dreary and unfair. So stop it!

Focus on the here and now. Stop spending time regretting the past, or worrying about the future! Everyone makes decisions they later regret, but, if you’re constantly thinking about it you will not be able to move forward and forget it. So don’t be preoccupied with the past or the future, try to enjoy the present moment.

Sometimes the things that life swings at us are known about before they happen, some of them are very much not, and knock us for 6! Along the way we find the little doors of opportunities in-between. People often say “Ahh when one door closes, another one opens” but sometimes it just doesn’t. Just because a door closes on you it doesn’t mean it’s down to some fault of yours like ignorance, arrogance, pride or incapacity, but usually because that particular door no longer goes anywhere for you.

Learn to do something new! Learning a new skill, what ever it is gives us the opportunity to find a new avenue for creativity. Being creative, however we do it gives us a sense of pride and achievement to! Also, if it’s something we’ve never done before we get a great feeling of self improvement too.

Do something for somebody else. Sounds simple doesn’t it! The trouble is when we live only for our own pleasure, there often feels like there’s something lacking. When we do something for other people, we bring out the best in ourselves. It makes us feel good about ourselves and the people we’re doing something for feel good too! It’s a win win situation!

Look at things from a slightly different perspective. When we think life has become boring, it is often a reflection of our inner attitude. If we have a tendency to be negative, then it is more likely that we become bored with life. So try and look at things from a different perspective; stop complaining about other people, if you wait for other people to behave as you want them to, you will always be waiting. Instead change the way you see them.

Don’t listen endlessly to your own thoughts, It’s our own thoughts that make us feel we are stuck in a rut, and that life is boring. So why do we have to listen to these thoughts? Learn to let go of these negative thoughts when they happen. If you instead start focusing on the positives we’ve got, it will make a big difference to our outlook.

Spend time with silly people, who make us laugh! Stop wasting all that energy feeling sorry for yourself. If you spend some time with enthusiastic and slightly daft people, (we all know a few!) some of this energy will rub off on you! Even if you don’t particularly feel up to it, meeting other people will take you out of yourself and help to re-energise you.

Even in the most boring experiences in the world there is always the opportunity for humour. So let not take life too seriously.  Without humour the world would have ended hundreds of years ago. We’re only here a relatively short time after all, we only get one good shot at it, so we may as well have a laugh along the way!

Oh yes, I'm the great pretender

I think we must of all felt like this at some point in our lives. Let’s say you’ve been invited to a party, and you only really know the person whose party it is. There are loads of people there and they all seem to be friendly and are all having a laugh and seem and know a lot more people than you do. No one seems to be interested in you, because they don’t really know you. They just don't seem to be seeing you at all. Your friend whose party it is, is busy with all the other people. Then you start to feel neglected and rejected. Sound familiar?

All of us, at times, have thoughts of “no one understands me.  Does anyone actually really care about me.  If I died would it really matter to anyone?  No one knows the real me . . . and even if they did, they probably wouldn't like me.”

So what do we do when we start thinking like that?  We decide the best course of action is to withdraw even further into ourselves, so we can get ourselves even more miserable, grumpy and depressed!

The trouble is, a lot of people, who are considered “the life of the party” are in fact socially bankrupt on the inside and as self-loathing and over-sensitive as you can get.

So what’s is the problem here?

Well for a start we think we have to perform for other people in order for them to actually like us. Rather than just liking us for who we are.

We’re told by the media in one way or another, that to survive in life, we can’t trust anyone. So  we build up walls, thinking, I will never be hurt again.  People are never what they seem, so I must protect myself.  Don’t trust them or you will get burned.  Don’t let anyone get inside.

We start thinking, people don't care about us so why should I care about them. We begin to think that people only want what is good for them. That my well-being is meaningless to everyone else.

People tell you they love you or that they are there for you, but it's all show.  People don't really actually care.

The trouble is someone who feels lonely in the crowd of people, must first raise his or her self esteem. Set yourself some goals and try to achieve them, no matter how little they seem.

Life is very important and we only get one shot at it. So try to live a life in such a way that you can feel proud of it. Try and be that good example that you wish you were. You ARE a good person and it’s important to know that. So does it really matter if others don’t understanding us? Try to understand their problems and help them, rather than asking for help hand-outs all of the time. As the saying goes, if you start giving, you will start receiving.

For a start, find out if anyone you know is also facing such a state. For this you will have to shift your attention from yourself to other people. Start actually listening to others. Ask them about their problems. You may find that there are few others out there who are also in the same boat.

So if you suddenly feel lonely in a crowd, remove yourself. Don't mentally beat yourself up over it. Simply come to terms with the fact that we’re all different and this particular crowd isn't for you. Don't set yourself up for more stress. Just walk away and look for a crowd that shares your point of view.

Sadly a lot of us are performers. The trouble is the more we carry on performing, the more prone we are to finding ourselves feeling lonely in a crowd. What this all boils down to of course is the underlying fact of a massive fear of being lonely.

Look around you, if you stopped performing or being the great pretender. Who do you think would actually lose interest in you? Sure there may be a few shallow friends that say “So and so’s really boring and miserable these days”. But I also gaurantee you there would be much more that wouldn’t. The people who genuinely care are there no matter who we are, or who we are pretending to be!

They see us for who we really are and still want to spend time with us. Sometimes these people are friends, sometimes they’re your family. Whoever they are, deep down I think we all know who those people are. These are the people that really matter, the people that love us no matter how we are feeling. So cling onto the thought of these amazing gems of people and you’ll never feel lonely in a crowd again.

Look after yourself, and each other.